Moving Forward

It looks like I find myself coming back to this blog time and time again. A LOT has happened these past two years. LOVE. Welcome to the instability of my heartbroken mind.

LOVE. That’s such a strong word to describe my feelings toward a special someone in my life (Oh, JV).  We’ve been through so much together. There have been a ton of ups and downs. Tons of arguments. Break ups, yet we’ve always found ourselves reunited time and time again.

I can’t help but think about the many nights of us cuddling in bed. Watching Netflix on the couch together. Partaking in your wonderful cooking. Holding your hand as we walked to our cars. Washing our cars. Kissing your lips. The birthday surprises we’ve thrown each other. You’ve shown me so much love. Oh how I wish we could make more of these memories.

Boring. That’s what I am to you now. 

The tears keep falling and with the notion that you’re ready to move on. That’s tough. It’s tough to take in. It’s hard to come to terms that you’ll that you are over me. It just hurts knowing that you’ve been dating others while I thought we were rekindling our relationship. Boring? Is that what I am now?

LOVE. Oh the experiences that come from this. I love you, and because of this, maybe I need to let you go. I DON’T WANT TO! My heart says keep chasing after her! Prove to her that you’re worth it.

But, we’re not on the same page anymore. There’s been a huge amount of naivety on my part. I’ve been trying to prove to you that I’m still worth it. That my love for you is real. That we can create new memories with one another! We could embark on a new romantic journey through life!

…But you seem to find your happiness elsewhere. It hurts like hell knowing that, but it’s horribly understandable. You’re tired of me.

Maybe I’m not fighting hard enough. Maybe I’m trying to “change the stars” and have you in my life once again. Or maybe, I just can’t come to terms with the inevitable outcome of not having you any longer. I don’t know. I’m so lost. 

So here I am, a complete utter mess, shedding tears and listening to songs that remind me of you. Remembering the happy times to the arguments that we’ve have. Everything is on replay! It’s okay to shed tears. It’s okay to mourn. This horrific realization that you’ve been trying to move on just hit me December 3rd, 2013 2:30AM.  It’s okay. What’s important is for me not to stay in this phase too long. I need to pull myself out of this eventually.

I’m going to take all I’ve learned from our relationship and apply it to chasing my dreams. I have goals. You’ve helped motivate me so many times and maybe you not seeing the progress contributes to the “boring” version of Garrett that you’ve so harshly put down. Despite the tears, rage, sadness, and more, I do have to thank you. Thank you for the motivation you’ve given me.

Come the new year, I will complete my goals. I WILL be going back to school. I WILL re-take my classes and I WILL get into Dental School! 4.0, here I come! No less than that!

I’m at a huge transitional state in my life. It’s ominous. Taking a step back, to move forward. That’s so hard to do. There’s going to be so much change in my life, but I WILL reach my goals. 6 years.  That’s a long time, and the sad realization is that I can’t ask you to wait alongside me. That is not fair at all. Not very many people would do that (and I would like to send a huge honorable mention to those that do).

So JV. All I can do is move forward. I’ll work on improving myself and reaching my goals. There are no if’s. It WILL happen. I’m motivated. I am strong. I am tough. I will persevere. 

And JV, I wish you the best in life. I remember our pinky promise in that Starbucks on Orangethorpe in July 2013.  The promise that we would be together and help motivate each other to reach our goals. Yet, here we are. As we go our separate ways, I can’t uphold this promise 100%. I’m sorry, I can’t be there for you. I’m sorry this motivated human being who is now on his journey to chase his dream, is too boring for you. But what I can promise you is that I will reach my goal. 

…And I hope you reach yours as well! You’ve always been such a strong-willed, self-motivated woman. I know you’ll be just fine!

 

I love you. I always will, JV. Ikuzo! Let’s reach our goals.

 

Love,

Garrett

Months Go By…

Time sure flies and life does change. As awesome as things were, they do change over time. For better or worse, everything happens for a reason. What’s more important is not giving up. Keep believing in your abilities and more importantly, in you.

Stay motivated, Garrett. Don’t let life get you down. You’re a strong individual who has the power to take charge and change your stars. Believe in yourself.

 

Sincerely,

 

Past Garrett.

And HAPPY MARCH!

Life’s really turned around since Valentine’s Day.

I lose my job.
I get into a crazy accident.

And BAM! Change!

I get a new job (Thanks Tony!)
A new car!
BILLS TO PAY! >_<!

And… I still need to get on my own insurance plan… GOAL FOR THE WEEK!
LESS GO!

Also! During this Lenten season, I have given up alcohol! Not that I have much time to party anymore. xD It's for the best!

And that's the monthly update from moi.

It’s been awhile!

And in two days, I’ll be heading to another anime convention! I can’t wait! It’s my 2nd ever, with PMX being the first. I guess the reason why I’m so hype is that I’m working con suite with Justine, Sami and lots of their friends! Oh, I’m also assisting with the Adventure Time panel, Friday @ 5pm. I can’t wait!!! :D